You Don’t Need To Be Just Another Statistic

With Pastor Andy Wilson From Whitsunday Baptist Church

Are we looking at the right statistics in the right way? For decades, society has rightly fought for women’s rights. But in the process, have some men been left behind? In the 1960s and ’70s, Australia introduced no-fault divorce laws, initially to protect women—especially those abandoned by husbands. These laws allowed women to retain the family home and often full custody of the children. At the time, it was a necessary reform. But five decades on, some are asking: do these laws now unfairly disadvantage men?

Whitsunday Pastor Andy Wilson married his high school sweetheart when he was just 21 years old. The couple went on to have four children together, bought a house in Brisbane and Andy ran his own business while his wife opted to be a stay at home mother. For many years life was idyllic, but then the marriage started to become strained.

Desperate to rekindle the spark Andy tried to woo his wife again, buying her flowers, leaving little notes for her to find and reading ‘Seven Ways To Be A Hero’ about how to win your wife back. He also sold their boat to renovate the kitchen and invested time improving the house so she could be happy.

Sadly, none of his efforts worked and he was asked to move out of the family home.

Andy rented a small room nearby to stay close to the children. Without a suitable home for overnight stays, and while continuing to financially support the family, he found himself paying over $500 per week in child support.

Meanwhile, his wife left for France on a holiday. During this time, Andy had access to the house while he was looking after the children. It was on one of these days that he saw a handwritten letter from France and curiosity got the better of him. The letter confirmed his suspicions: it was a love note to his wife.

Later that same day he looked on the family computer and discovered multiple images of his wife wearing different outfits. On each of them she had a black eye. He recalled her receiving this injury when their son accidentally swung his head into her. But here, it looked like a set-up. He realised, she was using this to try and incriminate him into a domestic violence allegation.

Andy took the hard drive and when his wife returned home she phoned him up rattled, trying to get him to admit to destroying the evidence. Andy recalls feeling like the police were listening in.

Though ultimately Andy wasn’t charged, the experience left him shaken. After speaking with a lawyer friend, Andy was told the legal battle would be lengthy and costly— his wife likely to receive up to 80% of the assets. Rather than fight, he chose to walk away and start over.

Sadly, Andy’s story isn’t uncommon. Many men report losing their homes, finances, and access to their children following divorce. While domestic violence laws are vital for protecting victims, some allege they are misused during custody disputes. Research suggests that separation and family court issues are contributing factors in male suicide. According to Dads In Distress, a national support group, separated men are six times more likely to die by suicide than their married counterparts.

Fortunately, Andy was one of the lucky ones. He may have walked away without any money, but he was able to see his children. He also met and fell in love with a beautiful woman and was able to become a caring stepfather to her two children.

Andy also discovered his true calling which is ministry – to build God’s church right here in the Whitsundays. Since December last year Andy has been the Pastor at Whitsundays Baptist Church, where his candid and uplifting sermons have grown the congregation.

His journey, however, could have ended very differently.

“I honestly believe after losing everything that without my faith in Jesus I would have been another suicide statistic,” shared Andy.

“After what happened I had every reason to hate but hate but hate locks you in a prison of bitterness. The sun will rise again - hang in there and don’t give up, because I am testament to how life does get better.”

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